risk level 99

i became what she want.. in the end she's the one hurting me..
God please be merciful.. give me strenght to overcome these..
God save me.. please God.. please.. it hurt a lot..

risk level 1

You hear me God.. and you test me already..

hurt God, it hurt a lot.. God

the path

i will never let you walk alone.. not literally

i will always be there when you fall.. straightened my hand to reach you.. hold you up..

i will always be there supporting you.. physically or mentally..

be sure you strong enough to walk on this world, so i can let you became the happiest woman.. ever..

ganbatte dear.. sure world is vast~ and it would be boring if i hold you down..

i know you are strong woman.. and i will take the risk of letting you go..
because, i will always be there.. physically or not..

COD

interesting, isn't it~

UK, 4wheel drive, ours, star, red, 7..

operation strato~

tomorrow.. will be.. intresting, sun~

First Media

400KBps confirmed~

kaki - unyil

"i love you my kiki.. love you so muuuchh.." - kaki

"you're my sun.. warm and bright" - unyil

Confession

it's been several day, since i know the true darkness, the true sadness.. been left on a human.. by a bunch of human.. that dark, cruel, egoist creature..

i cried, everytime i see this human.. i cried, why i didn't notice your call, didn't notice your feeling, your heart... i was too busy playing on my own.. then you gone.. i feel what the true loneliness is.. i constantly checking on you.. yet, stay passive ,cowardly to take an action.. to take you.. to hug you.. to protect you..
ohh, Allah.. protect this human from any harm.. from the inside, from the outside.. protect it, make this human happy everytime it sees me..

then, now we already been together, and you told me, how cruel the past you've been through..
when i heard your story.. my loneliness was nothing compared to yours... i just want to make happy story with ya.. with happy ending.. when all the troubles we've been through be an happy memories, that make our bond strong.. stronger.. and be strongest..

you're my sun now.. that bright, warm, beautiful, lovely..

thanks, for the "iyaa" word that you sent me at the skyline of surabaya.. you are really beautiful that day.. because of it.. :p

Alhamdullilah~

 Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu~

sial !!! *kok ??*

satu kata yg cukup untuk menggambarkan kondisiku saat ini.. kenapa? kekanak2an.. itu saya.. egois.. itu saya.. marahan.. itu saya.. ga sabaran.. itu saya.. ga pengertian.. itu saya.. *sebenernya ngerti* **cuman egoisnya keluar X(**
tp saat yg disebut dewasa.. itu dia.. sabar tinggkat dewa.. itu dia.. memendam.. itu dia.. tenggang rasa.. itu dia.. pengertian banget.. itu dia... trus.. apa baiknya saya??

just another damn !! *leh ga bersyukur*

malam ini, dengan ost dewa bintang lima, udah kaya film indonesia aja.. update blog geje..soalnya ditinggal sayangku tidur.. dapet jatah cobaan beberapa hari ini.. mau ke malang ga bisa.. mau foto box, jerawat nya saya lg panen -_- sinyal operator kebanggaan trouble di rmh.. GSM all day long --" ga bisa bbman.. pas smsan.. eh sayangku pulsanya abis #_# bonyok kanan kiri atas bawah deh..

Astagfirllah~ setiap cobaan itu ada kebaikan di baliknya.. skrg udah biasa klo ga hubungan bentar.. tp klo ga ada kabar 1 jman aja udh gelisah..takut sayangku knp2.. hati rasanya sesak.. klo tahu kenyataan rungkut-keputih itu jauh.. sesak.. tahu klo kita hanya sebatas "pacar".. tp, saat ini memang kita hanya sebatas itu.. dan saya yakin, setiap cobaan mengguatkan hubungan kita.. setiap cobaan merupakan ijin Allah~

you are, the reason is...

again.. bored playing games in the middle of night~

something, strike my mind.. the reason i did a lot of foolish thing because i didn't believe you.. i doubt you..

but, then a bigger thing strike and cut my mind... why would i live a hard life.. a complex one.. when you can just simplify your mind.. and believe.. like she said.. hapiness is simple.. really simple.. :3

believe that someday, the day will come..when you're mine to the fullest~ when you're the one sees me smiling while waking up in the morning.. when you're the very first person that yawning in front of me... set me to work.. tell the children that the world is harsh yet nice..

when you're the one that holding my hand in happiness, in sadness..

the day sure to come.. i believe.. believe that God hear me~

Growing Stronger~

right now.. twenty past three~ i read a manga.. one piece manga.. original volume set number 65 for indonesian... while listening to linkin park - numb hijack edition..

for a moment, popped out a morale story from one piece manga.. the main character said "i train harder to protect the one i beloved.", "i'll protecting this place. it's belong to my beloved one" they are strong people in the story. in that moment, i cry, my heart ached, my mind pressured.. why am i so weak.. that my beloved one must suffer.. why am i such a coward.. so that my beloved one must hide her smile.. why, why?

and from that moment.. i gained something.. i must grow stronger.. stronger from anybody so that my beloved one didnt suffer.. so that i can protect her.. make her feel relieved..

i'll grow stronger.. greater than anybody.. so that you can believe in me... so that you'll feel relief while you are at my side..

a light that lead me to the surface~

these day.. i live a happy life.. everyday i see a smile.. someone smile that give me light, that cheer me up, boost up my mood.. it's her smile.. almost every moment i remember her smile.. i smiling to my self.. telling my self that i was lucky.. telling my self that i'm happy right now.. my heart beating so fast.. when i see that smile directly, it was the happiest moment in my life.. seeing her happy every day.. seeing her alright every day ..

these day i live a happy life.. no more darkness that filling my heart up.. the darkness of life.. that lead to destruction.. because, she held my hand.. lead me.. from the bottom of darkness to the surface that full of happiness~

these day i live a happy life.. no more loneliness.. because she was always here by my side~

leesang - turned off the tv~